Tuesday, November 11, 2014

MY mom.

Yesterday I was sitting on the couch in our living room pumping while the twins sat in their bouncy seats. With E and granny playing outside, I was enjoying a rare quiet moment. Then I heard a little voice by door leading in from the garage that wasn't my child's.

Anxiousness gripped me as I grabbed a pillow to block my scary nipples protruding from my pumping bra and my bare shoulders. I peeked around the pillow to see my son walk in with our neighbor's daughter (whom I don't know because they never come outside to play!)!!!!

He had a huge grin on his face and so proudly told her, "That's MY mom!" I was frantically figuring out how to get them to go back outside when granny came in to take them to the play room. She had figured it wouldn't be a big deal since she could just guide them around the hall to the playroom. When she told me this, I just kind of peered around the pillow and smiled.

While I sat there letting the adrenaline subside, I thought about what he said and how he said it. My son is so proud to have me as his mom. He wants to introduce me to his friends and wants me to join in on their games. He wants me to be on his team and come with him everywhere.

I know it won't last forever, but I'm really enjoying the heck out of it right now even if he's trying to expose me in pumping splendor to the world (or just a four year old neighbor).

xxx

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

My heart is full.

It's been six months since these two munchkins came abruptly into the world. 

They are such loves. It's hard to remember life before them even for E.

A is such a calm and chilled out kiddo. 

N is a feisty and charming little man. 

E turned four recently. He's such a sociable, smart, a funny kid. 

I couldn't love any of them more if I tried.

xoxo

Monday, September 15, 2014

Milk!

One of the silver linings of the twins being in the NICU was the amazing lactation support I received.

On their second day of life, the twins started receiving breastmilk in extremely small doses. Every day as they gained weight, the amount increased as well. Despite all the factors working against me from the surgery, pain meds, and blood loss, my milk came in on day three. Of course I had woken up to a pump beside my bedside in the ICU and religiously pumped every three hours. However, I got super lucky and my milk supply quickly increased until I hit about 55 ounces about two weeks after their birth. Since then I vary between 50-60 ounces a day. Moo.

As the twins grew stronger, they began to attempt breastfeeding on my one visit a day to the NICU. Unlike my experience with attempting to nurse E, these twins were ravenous and would eagerly open their mouths and latch on. I was shocked. There was no pain or cracked nipples with the daily attempts. Lactation nurses would come whenever I asked and gave me good supportive information. Besides that, one of them literally walked me through the process of heat, pump, and ice to get through my initial engorgement.

After the madness of having mastitis four times and eventually being hospitalized while breastfeeding E, I'm amazed and grateful at the difference this time around. At five months in, I have a deep freezer full of milk and two growing babies.

xoxo

Monday, September 8, 2014

Microblog Mondays: Meanest Mom

Today DS#1 was taking a bath and didn't want to get out when I started his five minute warning. After a few words and big splashing, I pulled the plug which infuriated him. He took his play cup and tossed it right on my shirt. My clean shirt. The shirt I had just put on along with real clothes and makeup. I literally saw red and after getting him out of the tub, I had to walk away.

So I walked back into the bathroom and bagged up all of his bath toys.

I am the meanest mom.

My son told me he was going to put me in time out and then have the doctors come and give me shots (the meanest thing he could think of). He even had a plan to get his granny to take him to the hospital to pick up the doctor and bring her back to our house. It's not nice to laugh but laugh I did.

xoxo

Thursday, September 4, 2014

NICU Memories

The days after having the twins are blurry to me now just as they were then. Between the physical recovery from the blood loss and c-section plus the lack of sleep from religiously pumping around the clock, the days just seemed to run into each other. Besides the joyous first moments of meeting and holding each twin, one memory stands out clearly.

I was watching my daughter A in her incubator as she lay under the purple billy lights. Her face was covered with her cpap holder and her eyes shielded with a little superhero mask. She was laying on her stomach and slightly moved her arm which popped her should blade up. Since she was weighing in at about three pounds at that point, there was literally only skin covering the bone.

The pang of sadness that struck my heart was intense and still makes my eyes water. I felt as if I had failed them by not keeping them safely tucked inside for a few more weeks. Quickly, I made myself push that thought away because I knew this would not help them in the slightest bit.

Yesterday when we went to see the developmental pediatrician, my sweet girl weighed in at 14 lbs 12 oz which put her at the 95th percentile for her adjusted age and in the 50th percentile for her non-adjusted age. I love her chubby cheeks and the rolls on her legs. They remind me of how far she's come and how grateful I am for that.

xoxo

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

He's gone.


We've been through three years of deployments to combat zones while together. However, this year of an unaccompanied tour to the middle east is going to be the most brutal one yet because of the three children who own our hearts. I can deal with missing him myself, but helping E get through those feelings is different. I remind myself that E is resilient and will be just fine. We love this man.

xoxo

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Microblogging

Life has pretty much been kicking my ass. I wake up in the wee hours of the morning to feed the twins. Sometimes that's their second feeding, but last last night the 4:30 feeding was their first! Happy dance for some sleep! Often times I will not get back to bed as I usually feed the twins one at a time and then pump. By that time, E will usually wake up and then, my day has officially started. I have a sad realization point every morning when I realize I won't be able to crawl back in bed. Between this and everything else going on in my life, I have no energy to get my thoughts down in this space. I miss my blogspace. 

So today when I saw Mel's blog about microblogging, I felt a deep urge to not let time pass me by without writing something about it. While it's not Monday and this is far more than 140 characters. I'm going to try to get this going....:) 

I miss you guys! 

How are you?

xoxo